Shalom! This is Franklin Bacon Colditz-Davis (don’t forget the hyphen)… you have undoubtedly read about the wanderings of my mother and father who abandon me nearly every weekend to ramble out yonder…but lately I have been getting a lot of SnapMeows from my social media followers asking about my typical day… so here you go…
I typically begin my day around 6 a.m. when my dad wakes up to go to the gym. Before he leaves, he opens the drapes, hides my toys, and maybe gives me a belly rub or two. If he doesn’t wake up by 6 a.m. I automatically assume his alarm clock has malfunctioned and he desperately needs me to wake him up! I’ve found that long drawn out “meeeoooowwwssss” by the door and scratching the door frame are most effective at getting him out of bed. I will eagerly use these tactics ANY day he’s not awake on time… I don’t know what he would do without me!!??!! There is an occasional day that I want to sleep in and cuddle….but that’s usually with my mom who has been gone for a loonnnnngggg time…. Thankfully dad says she will be back in just a few weeks!
Getting as many belly rubs as possible ranks pretty high on my daily goals. I found the most effective way of getting belly rubs is to approach my victim slowly with a gentle, loving gaze and then quickly flop on my side or roll on my back. My mom can’t resist when I roll on my back and tilt my little white chin up her…what a sucker! My dad takes some more persuasion… but he eventually caves…
While my dad is at the gym, I use the peace and quiet to survey the grounds. With the drapes open, I can peer out onto my dominion. Moving to Tel Aviv vastly improved my status! I upgraded from one small viewing window to floor-to-ceiling windows looking over a court yard with lots of trees full of SO MANY BIRDS! I spend most of my day chasing birds from window to window! I never seem to catch them because there is a strang clear force-field between us but I know they are scared because they always fly away!!! Sometimes I watch out of the corner of my eye and they fly away without me even looking at them….that’s right birds! FEAR THE FRANK!
Once my dad gets back from the gym, I try to sneak in a few more pets before he leaves for work. If I am lucky, he will leave his stinky shirt out for me to smell…..I think if I can somehow get dad’s stink on me that my mom will love me as much as she loves him…..so far I just smell like armpit and receive no extra love.
After a shower and breakfast, my dad leaves for work. Lately, he has been hiding treats around the house with my toys, forcing me to use my full body length to get them. Living with my dad has really pushed my hunting skills to a new level. I never knew how easy I had it when my mom was in charge of my training and hunting schedule…..she’s such a softy!
After my morning exercise it is off to lounging around the house. Sometimes I will give myself a bath or catch up on social media before catching my morning ZZZZZZs.
After a relaxing nap, I go on the hunt for the various mice and toys hidden around the house. My dad can tell how long he has been gone by how many toys I find and leave around the food dish. Everyday I make sure to show him how good I am at hunting just incase he runs out of food and I need to save his life by hunting for mice or snakes…..it is very important I am ready and well trained for these things.
Last week I thought I’d play a little joke on my dad and hide one of my mice in my litter box for HIM to find! MOL (meow out loud!). Sometimes I leave toys in the bed or in the laundry basket for them to find too…..I hope to also train them to hunt incase I am not around to save them during a famine…..but alas they are pretty hopeless.
When my dad finally gets home from work the red string comes out! Oh how I long for this special time ALL DAY! The red string is my kryptonite – I cannot resist it and it drives me mad! I am determined to attack, chase, and destroy it at any opportunity and at all costs! Depending on if my dad has any work calls, this can last for a while…..Jump! Chase! Pounce! Destroy!! Sometimes, if he is on a work call, I try to add my feedback and ideas about the projects….And if I don’t feel like my ideas are being heard I try to talk louder and more often….but the customer’s don’t like that….their loss.
Finally, bed time rolls around. While dad goes about his bedtime routine….floss, brush teeth, talk to mom, read boring books about economics and salt (yes a whole book about salt.. as if dad?)…. I also go about my bedtime routine. I usually have a small bedtime snack and some water, I let it settle for a few minutes while I do my final patrol around the house making sure everything is in order. Dad is usually in bed by this time. I wait till he hits the lights and then do my final feeding and bathroom stop before settling in at his feet. Once he is sound asleep, I initiate my hyper-gravity powers to quadruple my weight and double my size so he cannot move me off of his legs or move at all for 8 hours….if it is cold, I will wiggle my way under the covers like a stealth ninja and curl up by his side. I am a lucky cat!
When 6 a.m rolls around, we wake up and do it all again!
Well that’s it!! I hope you enjoyed my day! And remember, YOLNL (you only live nine lives) – Make ’em count!